Many times, I feel empty in heart.
It seems like there is a very big space in my heart but not much of it is occupied. So for many years, I have been working very hard, reading many books and do meditations to search my soul, except social activities. I know I am not good at social contact and sometimes I feel ill when I have to contact with someone. I don't believe that the unoccupied space in my heart is social activtiy.
Empty is not lonely. It is more close to alone. Empty is the bad feeling in the good alone condition. I always said to my friend that alone but not lonely, well-being but not happy. I can enjoy alone very much but not empty. Empty is such a strange feeling. I can not figure out where it is from.
Maybe it is because that I don't have enough business to do with the world around me. On one hand, I want to live in a very casual way, for example if I can live without a job. On the other hand, I want to live in a fulfilling way, for example if I can pursue a meaningful purpose. I am not idle, but why empty?
Maybe it is because I have a very good savvy to this world and the people. So I can not find many things which I am interested. I know somethings good will happen in the near future but I can do nothing right now. I do not want lose my focus but I have nothing to do.
Life is full of wait and life needs to be endured, when you feel empty.
-- (*＾-＾*) --