Where else can I go? Where else can I leave for? I do not want to see anybody, do not want to talk anything, do not want to go outside any where!
I am not myself anymore. I was not myself from the very beginning. The struggling brings me the unpeaceful heart which can never be calm down again. The gene of the culture has already decided my destination that I have no way to go. No one can help me. No one can listen to me. No one can understand my loneliness. Life is less and less meaningful to me. The world is less and less empty to me. My eyes are less and less unclear to the future I have to confront. Who is the person I want to rescue, and who can rescue me. What I am waiting for, and What's the purpose of my waiting. I know I have no way to go. I am not so wise that I can be a Buddha. There is also no land behind me. I have to lead a wandering life.
Psychologist says that writing down the bad mood is a way to relieve. They always emphasize to find a way out inside ourselves. They tell us that we should look into the bright side and lay down everything which, in another word, is a kind of cruel, but only quite a few people know it.
Mit freundlichen Grü?en
DONNOT MAKE ANY SACRIFICE. DONNOT MAKE ANYONE SACRIFICE FOR YOU. EVERYBODY FOR HIMSELF, THAT'S PEACE. THOSE WHO THINK THEY SACRIFICED, ARE WRONG. ALL IS ABOUT CHOICE, ALL IS ABOUT ONESELF. LOVE, OR NOT, THAT'S ALL, THAT'S THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS.
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